I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
too bad you live with your parents still
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
