so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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