Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you win again, gameday.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
