Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
