By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
we're making bets on your personal life
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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