I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
