fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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