woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
