were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
