There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
