I got chris browned last night
The maid of honor just puked.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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