Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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