I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
