no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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