That's intense
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
