pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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