Im at strip club and am horny
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
