I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
