would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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