Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
