ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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