I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Someone shit on the floor
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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