Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
