Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
