don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We're too hungover to prance.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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