Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
