I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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