You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
