I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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