Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
