i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
