Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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