You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
