I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
