i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Randomize
