oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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