The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
