Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
