I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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