No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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