gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
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I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize