I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
