fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
