i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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