Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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