the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
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you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
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I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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