the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
