just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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