dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
