I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
