you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
