just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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