I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
