And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
