I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Randomize
