Whod you bang
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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