john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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