I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
