I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize