we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
