So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
