This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
