I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
