After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
