My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You smell like stripper and shame
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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