I just pynch a tree in the face
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
