i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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