she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
