3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize