I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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