When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
my being single is dangerous.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Well I just put wine in my tea
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
