There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
