last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
