Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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