you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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