Girls should come with a carfax report
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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