I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
